so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He uses pillows to masturbate.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
