Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
