I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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