fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
