with your own penis?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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