I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
