did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize