so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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