I think i peed on brittanys purse
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
bring money and cleavage
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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