Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize