just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
