Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
