You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
