it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they're like a gay fantastic four
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize