You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
