oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
