Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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