Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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