I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
