I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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