Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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