So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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