My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize