I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
