Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
