He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
