Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A bitchslap is in order.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize