Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We left the knife in your bed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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