You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
