My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
