I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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