so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
