i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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