Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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