my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
