It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
