Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
