Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
