well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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