C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I only lived at night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
