He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
