Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
