between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
