I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
