you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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