Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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