If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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