Having a random hookup so left but love u
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
there is glitter all over my balls
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