I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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