My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
