I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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