I puked a lego.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
