I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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