I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
