She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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