he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize