Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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