Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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