Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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