So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
