There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
