AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
