I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
