I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
