you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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