I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
