I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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