Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
