Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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