when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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