Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
