You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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