Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
