I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
