I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
