I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
