I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
