she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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