you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize