The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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