It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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