There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
