Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize