did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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