He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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