I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
