how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I party with great urgency now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
