you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
