the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
