It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
