You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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