just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
