I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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