but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
