That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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