Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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