we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Even my vagina gasped.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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