I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
