im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
