I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
