hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
