Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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