she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
