i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
