Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
