You're my little dorito
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
