a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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