I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
