Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
