I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize