Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
