He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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