i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Actions speak louder than pants.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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