i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
