Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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