You can't motorboat a personality
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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