My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All the doctor said was why
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
