I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
