I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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