i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
