Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
